I'm here now
by Bootsandcats
Summary: I can't do anything. I feel as if I'm dead. (Domon/Aki/Ichinose, not shippy but I guess it's up to interpretation. I tried to write something sad. The world needs more Domons! I also apologize for my poor use of English.)


I don't exactly remember when it happened – it might have taken place a few months ago, or perhaps just a few weeks. But even though I try to forget about it, it is not the kind of memory you'd let go of anyway.

It was during a beautiful, sunny day and I think it was during summer, but I'm still not sure, what I take for granted is that Aki, Domon and I went for a walk after school because it had been such a long time since we hadn't spent some time together – like before.

I remember leading the group, and walking in front of them, and Aki was right behind me, following my every step and laughing softly. A little further away was Domon, strolling and looking up at the clouds and smiling. I had missed them both.

We had to cross a road, the large one that goes from the park to the cemetery up north, and I thought it was a good idea to walk to the other side alone, and I scampered off carelessly and I left them both here, when I should have noticed that a truck was driving past us and that had I walked but a little slower it would have hit me, probably; but sometimes I do feel like I love to play with fire like this.

But I should have been wiser; I know, I should have, and I'm so sorry.

I trod on the pavement and I turned back to see that Domon was looking straight back at me, and I saw him stumbling, walking a few steps back – one, two, three, just like that – and falling to the ground as though he had been violently hit in the stomach. I heard the cars driving past me like lightnings, roaring like thunder; and I heard Aki's shrill voice calling his name. I heard my heart beating so loudly inside my ribcage it made my head hurt.

I should have done something but I just stood there watching them, and even though I tried so hard to start walking I couldn't feel my limbs; and I tried to reach out to them on the other side, I did try, but not even the tip of my fingers would deign to move, oh god, oh god, oh god, what have done? What have I done?

I screamed at the top of my lungs because I feared they might not hear me – I wanted them to know I was alive – but their names, when I listened to them coming out from my mouth, sounded nothing like them and I thought for a second that I had forgotten what my friends' names were. I'm alive. I'm here. Aki, Domon, please look at me. I'm right here.

I watch them on the other side of the road which seems like a million miles away from me now, and I see Domon lying on his side but I can't see his face, which he seems to be hiding behind his hands, and I see Aki clinging to his shoulders and to his arms and to his back, shouting words and phrases that I simply can't make out and his name, his name, his name again.

Although I deeply hope they'll turn to me, I feel as if they forgot that I'm here for good – but I'm here, please look at me, please please please please please don't forget me, Domon, Aki, please.

I see Domon trying to get up and shaking too much and ending up falling again, and he curls up on the ground, and he looks like he wants to scream and to throw up, and he claws at Aki's arms before digging his fingers into his shoulders and he's lying there, and I want to lend him a hand, but how come I'm so far away, that's not right, that can't be, I have to help him, I have to reach out and grab his hands and help him get up, but I can't, I can't, I can't, I see Aki's tears rolling down her cheeks as she looks around for some help but the cars keep appearing and disappearing like little rays of light, and no one sees them but me, and I want to dry those tears, but I can't do it either, and I fall to my knees, and I sit on the pavement, and I look at both of them, but I can't do anything.

I can't do anything. I feel as if I'm dead.

I close my eyes and I keep them tight shut for a few seconds, hoping that I'll somehow manage to stand up, cross the road back again and walk towards them arms outstretched and smiling widely, but I'm still here. I clench my fists so hard my nails dig into the skin of my palms and I bite my lower lip because there's nothing else I can do, and I fear everything – Aki, Domon, the road, the cars, the clouds, the ground, the sun might just all disappear and that I'll crumble and fall apart I'll die and I can't help it I'll die and I can't save them oh god oh god I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm dead I'm dead I'm dead I'm -

"_Ichinose!"_

I hear Aki calling out my name and I remember that day, that horrible day, and I hear her voice again and it feels as if I travelled through time just to live that day once more, and I wonder if it's some sort of punishment for what I've done, for that stupid idea I had, because I crossed the road – no; because I saved that little dog, because I left them on the other side and I didn't do anything and now I can't do anything I can't I can't I can't, but I hear her calling out again -

"Ichinose! Come back!"

When I open my eyes, I see hers, fixed on me like she sees me coming back from the dead, and her tears keep dripping down from her chin to the ground.

I stand up.

I stand up and I start walking.

I cross the road again.

I lift my right arm and I see the tip of my fingers trembling as they reach for Domon's shoulder.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm here now. I'm right here, Aki, Domon.

He pulls me towards him and holds me as if he was afraid I'd vanish and die again, clutching my back with both hands so tightly I feel like I might start to gasp for air, and I look at Aki who tries her best not to cry while she stares at me, and I smile as I guide my hand to her face so that I can dry her tears softly.

I'm sorry, Aki, Domon.

I'm here now.


End file.
